Yo dont text me then not text me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
