would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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