i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
