i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
