I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
