She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
