yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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