at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
