One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
