my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
