just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
