found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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