and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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