Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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