So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
