he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
