Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
