are you still at the devil's house?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
