"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
