Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
