just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
