you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
