i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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