The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
