did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
