I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
