It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
