i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
