She is in my trunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
