Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
