That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
