I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
