If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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