You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
