there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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