6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
