he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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