IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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