4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
