then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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