I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
