Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
