I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
sex in a hospital.. check
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
