I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
please don't ironically join a cult
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