Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
