I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
