Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
