one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
