it wasn't lemon gatorade
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
