I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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