I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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