Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
