At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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