I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
