I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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