I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
