My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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